Another Journey…Really?!?!

A few months ago I began to journal some memoirs. I wanted to journey back and reflect on different events that shaped who I am today, believing it would help me make the changes I wanted to make. So….I wrote.

I found it difficult at times to go back and think about those uncomfortable moments of my adolescent years, but it did shed some light on why I think the way I do now and may have even prepared me for how I would handle one of the most difficult moments in my life, that was just around the corner.

Hind sight is truly 20/20, as I look back on the those months before my life would change; God was preparing me, nudging me, and protecting me, without me even knowing until November 10, 2015. That morning I woke with the determination to get the results from my biopsy that I had on the previous Friday. I called the doctor’s office, and they insisted I come in, they couldn’t give me my results over the phone. (Well, that has never happened.) I knew it was not good, but I also knew God would protect me. I called my husband and left a message to call me right back, and then called a long distance friend and made her talk to me as I drove to the office until my husband called back.

My blood pressure was high, my heart was racing, and I could not stand sitting in that sterile, cold examining room all alone. Finally, the doctor came in, she gave me that look (the look I would start seeing more and more as people found out). “It came back positive.” She said. “Positive for what?” I asked. I had to hear the words, I had to be 100% sure we were on the same page. “The tumor is positive for breast cancer.” She said looking me straight in the eyes.

My heart sank, as it does now as I am writing this. The words that frighten most women (and some men). The words that can stop you in your tracks and make you feel like you are living in some kind of parallel world. I cried. I knew I would be fine, I knew it would be removed and I would be fine. I had gone over all the possibilities that I could think of, as I was waiting on the results fro 4 days. But at that moment, I cried. I cried for me, for my husband, for our children, and for my family.

Four days later, my mom arrived ready to spend the next several weeks going to appointments, meeting doctors, and devising a plan of action. Our oldest didn’t really have a response to the news, our middle child was so pissed off, he just walked around mad for about a week, and our youngest…well we didn’t give her all the details (she’s 5). But she is the best nurse I have during my recovery, as I sit here on the couch.

My recovery has been wonderfully uneventful, and has given me a lot of time of time to think. I’m only a week post-op, and I am finally clear enough to think and reflect. Everything happened so quickly that I don’t think I even stopped to process any of it. I haven’t felt emotional until now, as I write down and remember those moments of realizations. I’m believing as I put this journey into words, it will reach those that need it and help anyone who is or has battled this ugly disease.

One last thing before I end this entry: Catching cancer in it’s early stages is AWESOME, but don’t ever (for a second) believe that it makes finding out that you have cancer any less scary. I never once doubted God’s protection, but guess what…I’m human and it was scary and it pissed me off! Please remember that if someone you know is diagnosed early, they need just as much support as anyone else.

 

 

 

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Liebster Award Nomination

Liebster Award

Thank you Kirsty for the Liebster Award Nomination. I haven’t followed through with other nominations due to my limited time I have to write, but since I am on vacation for one more day, I will put some thought into this. Thank you, Kirsty, for consistently reading my blog and for finding it worthy of this nomination. Go check out Kirsty at Outside the Coffee Cup, you won’t be sorry.
Here are the questions Kirsty asked:
1. Would you rather be able to fly or be able to turn invisible? And why?
I thought I would want to fly, but being invisible would really come in handy when I am in a situation with a lot of people. I suffer from anxiety and sometimes I really wish I could turn invisible.
2. Do you prefer Spring or Autumn? And why?
This would depend where in the country I am. If I’m home I would have to say Spring. Although, the pollen is very hard on my respiratory system, it is still very hot during our Autumn months. The Spring is very pleasant and allows us to be outdoors. I love flowers as well!!
3. If you could meet someone past or present, famous or not, who would it be?
This one was very hard for me to answer. I guess I will have to say….Kurt Cobain because I felt the music industry lost him WAY TOO EARLY. I would have loved to sit and have a cup of coffee with him. I just think it would be the most down to Earth conversation I would ever have.
4. Where is your favorite place to be? And why?
I love the Rocky Mountains. I lived there for 3 years and felt the most inspired living tucked away in the mountains.
5. Are you happy with your life or would you change it?
Do I want to change? Yes, but not my life. I love my life and am very blessed with what God has given me. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but I have the most amazing family.
6. Someone comes up to you and gives you £10 ($10) what do you spend it on?
Easy…I give it to one of my kids because they are always in the “need” of something. LOL
7. Who is your dream guy or girl? And why?
Honestly, my husband is the most amazing person in the world. He puts up with me! 😉
8. Do you believe in Ghosts? And why?
No. I believe there are devil spirits that “impersonate” the dead, but I believe the dead are dead until The Return of Christ.
9. If you could be any Superhero who would it be? And why?
I am a Superhero (to my kids). LOL Other than that, I don’t want the responsibility.
10. What is your favourite song?
Feel The Silence (Goo Goo Dolls) Why? Just go listen to it. It was written by my favorite songwriter, John Rzeznik, a lyrical genius.

The rules state I come up with 10 questions and nominate 10 blogs that have less than 200 followers. So here it goes:
1. How would (someone) describe your blogging style?
2. What do you do when you aren’t working on your blog?
3. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
4. What is your favorite thing about your career?
5. What is your proudest accomplishment?
6. What makes you laugh the most?
7. What motivates you to work hard?
8. What is the best gift you have been given?
9. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?
10. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?

I nominate:
http://abeautifulmessme.com/
https://tigress511blog.wordpress.com/
https://symphonyofliteracy.wordpress.com/
https://abbiescorner.wordpress.com/
HOME
http://bearhavenmama.com/
https://beingderby.wordpress.com/
https://rddocke.wordpress.com/
https://mscassiopeia.wordpress.com/
http://thoughtsofaninternetperson.com/
This was not in any particular order or based on any specific topic. These are just blogs I enjoy showing up in my feed. Congratulations to y’all and I’m believing this helps get you more traffic, if you decide to accept the nomination. Keep up the great work!

One More Day

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It’s our last day in the mid-west, and due to the rain I am finally sitting down and writing. My goal was to blog my weekend and share my family with y’all. HA! I didn’t even get to make the princess cake because my mom wanted to save time and ordered from a bakery. Although, it was cute, mine would have tasted a lot better. 🙂

It’s been a great weekend; hanging out, looking at some old photos, and laughing until my face hurt. I have a really great family and we ALWAYS have a good time when we get together. My grandmother died a couple weeks ago and my aunt brought over some photos, so my dad and I stayed up looking through them. They were from the 20’s- the 90’s and we even found one from a time period we couldn’t figure out. I love history and some day would like to research my family tree. Somewhere along the line, FDR (Teddy Roosevelt) is my dad’s cousin. Crazy, right?!?!

Family is so important to me and I am so blessed our children have such a great relationship with my brother, his kids, and my parents, even though we live so far from each other. They know that no matter the distance (in miles) between us, we will always be there for one another. My husband’s side doesn’t have that, and it makes me a little sad, but my side more than makes up for it. They love him as their own. It’s an amazing feeling knowing you have these amazing people in your corner, who will (no matter what) fight for you, believe in you, and love you unconditionally.

Another great thing about the last 4 days has been the fact that I have had no anxiety, no panic attacks, and no stress. I feel like myself and I actually like myself. LOL I’m kind of a fun girl! J I am not expecting a stress-free life. I know that’s not realistic, but how I react to the stress that comes up is what I need to work on. It’s not easy but I know I will get there. I really enjoy the person I am when I’m not fighting the anxiety.

All in all, it’s been a great weekend and I just wish we could do this more often.

Chicago Bound

Made it to the airport,  but not without a few frazzled nerves. Why must car service drivers drive like they are in the Indy 500? He rarely used his turn signal and stopped at the very last second, when cars were stopped in front of us. However, Pre-TSA is wonderdul! Left our shoes on, didn’t have to remove my computer, and walked right through. Well, that was until my son’s bag looked suspicious. *mom silently prays that he didn’t pack his air soft gun* No worries folks, just an old bottle of shampoo in a side pocket that he forgot about. *mom silently thanks God and let’s out a quiet sigh of relief*

And now….we wait. 10 minutes until we board. Chicago here we come!

Heading Up North

Today has been a huge day of preparations, and it’s not over yet. I thought I would take a MUCH NEEDED break and tell y’all what I’m up to.

First thing in the morning, me and my 3 kiddos are jumping on a plane and heading to Chicago! We are so excited, and the 4 yr old doesn’t know where we are going, which makes it even more fun. My niece turned 6 last week and my mom is flying us up to surprise her. Unfortunately, my sweet husband can’t get off of work so he will stay home with his mom because, well, she’s not invited. I know that sounds terrible, but this is supposed to be a happy, fun weekend! As I’m preparing; doing laundry, finishing up some work, packing, running to the store for last minute items; I am reminded of why I need to get away. It is so difficult to handle my anxiety when one of the main triggers lives in my house. It saddens me because I want to bless her and make her feel at home, but she refuses to be happy. Honestly, she REFUSES. So this quick trip, back to my home state, is very much needed.

These next 4 days will be a time for me to refresh myself and relax my mind. I have a 3 hour flight, which if all goes as planned (enough activities to keep the little one occupied), I will have time to think and write. But right now, I’m still at home counting the hours until we leave. My 2 oldest decided they would wait until TODAY to clean there rooms. My daughter started her closet at around 10 AM. It is now 5 PM. Do you know where she is? YEP, IN HER CLOSET!!! That is how bad it was. I kid you not! And another great thing about her cleaning her room…everything she is done with and no longer wants, is lovingly placed in the game room that I cleaned. Why? Why does that seem like the logical place to put unwanted items? UGH! The used to put it in the little one’s closet, until I put the kabosh on that one.

I’m also very excited to see my dad. He doesn’t know me and the kiddos will be there and he flies in a few hours after us. I haven’t seen my dad in several months and miss him dearly. He’s ALWAYS good for a laugh and a lot of sarcasm, and of course you add that to my brother, who is a duplicate personality as my father (but don’t tell him that), and you have one rip-roaring, obnoxious, and annoying weekend. I can not wait!

Of course I’m taking all of you with me, but don’t expect deep dish pizza and beer. I grew up on that and now really don’t care for it. However, you can expect some fun photos of me making a birthday cake for my niece in the shape of a crown. This should bring a few laughs.

My hubby came home from work early and is now playing pet shops with the little one. I better go hang out with them for a bit and finish packing. 5 AM will be here before I know it.

What A Great Monday

As many of you may be with me on this, I don’t particularly enjoy Mondays. I usually have an abundance of emails to attend to and my kids have a harder time getting back in the groove of their studies and I simply want a third day in the weekend. I mean think about it; Saturday I need to catch up on laundry and housework, take the little one to dance, clean up my office from the week, etc. Then Sunday rolls around and we host fellowship in our home, so we need to do final preps before everyone comes, if I’m teaching; I need to do one more quick run through, then my husband and I may have an afternoon meeting, then we get ready for the week. I need Monday, to rest from the weekend.

Today was different though. Today, my husband took the day off. We talked over the weekend about what we wanted to do that would be fun for all of the kids and not cost anything. So we came up with a plan and set out this morning for downtown. When we arrived at our first destination, we all piled out of the truck and headed for the front door. “Gallery is Closed”, read the sign on the door. Well, that would have been good information to put on their website. Art museum – fail! Next: amazing, privately owned park; complete with fountains and splash pads. The park was beautiful, however, it was overcast and I wouldn’t let the little one in the water, but we walked around, took pictures, ate lunch at a picnic table and had a great time.

Next, a plaza in the middle of downtown. No grass, but a stage and a huge open area to run and be silly. It was actually a fun 10 minutes. Then we went looking for the underground shopping. We have lived here 5 years and have never been. So, why not? We arrive and it’s like the Apocalypse occurred and we were in a weird futuristic tunnel system, complete with food court. Not much shopping, but I think you could get to different parts of the city through it. It was kind of cool, and I can say now, that I’ve been there.

All in all, it was a great day. All 3 kiddos had a blast, even with the Art Museum being closed. It made me thankful for many things that I take for granted. I get to work from home, which allows me to set my own schedule and work around my family. (So thankful for that) I homeschool our kids. This allows us to pack a lunch on the spur of the moment and go play downtown for a few hours. What did they learn today? They learned how important it is to spend time together as a family and enjoy one another. We also looked at the art sculptures around town and each of us explained what we saw. This said a lot about my son. LOL The greatest thing I got out of today, was the fact that I did NOT have an anxiety attack because we strayed off of my routine. I did my work this evening instead, and I was completely okay with it. (Not one ounce of anxiety) That is huge progress and I am so thankful for that!

So….4 hours downtown cost: $0.00, Value: Priceless

Plaza