I’ve been avoiding my blog for months, but I think about it often. I felt that I had nothing interesting to say, that my words didn’t make a difference whether they were written or not. What difference does it make? Pretty depressing, right? But the thing is, I’m not depressed. I have my funks, sure, but don’t we all at some time or another. I’ve experienced depression and this isn’t it.
As I continued to work through my anxiety issues (which has been really great lately), and help my daughter with hers, I uncovered deeper feelings that I thought I had overcome years ago. However, the more I gave this my attention, the more I realized this is a serious problem. The old habits were resurfacing with vengeance, and I didn’t seem to have a handle on them like I thought. I started to be concerned that my thought patterns and behavior would have a great impact on my children. I didn’t want them negatively influenced by my bad habits.
So I think I’ve decided to start a memoir here, as I search inside myself to uncover why I think the way I do and how I can overcome it. I suppose it doesn’t matter who, if anyone, listens. My writing isn’t about anyone else, but my own expressions. I need to start being the one that is important to me, not looking for acceptance anywhere else. Besides, if I can’t accept myself, who else will?
So I invite those that are interested, along with me on this journey; and those that are not interested….that’s okay too.
Here I sit at the airport; coffee in hand, surrounded by strangers, watching my kids take random pictures of….who knows.
Part of me wants to get back, refreshed and ready to get my shit together. The other part, the part that’s not so extreme, doesn’t think my shit isn’t together. That part isn’t ready to go back to the draining effect my MIL has on me. Unfortunately, my mind is already going there. I have a few, precious hours left and I wish I wasn’t thinking about this.
My habit when I travel back home, from anywhere, is to plan new habits. Habits that will help manage my anxiety better. I’m always thinking about how I can do things better, and I do okay for a few days and then I slowly go back to my routine. Ugh! Maybe this time will be different….probably not. Lol
Thank you Kirsty for the Liebster Award Nomination. I haven’t followed through with other nominations due to my limited time I have to write, but since I am on vacation for one more day, I will put some thought into this. Thank you, Kirsty, for consistently reading my blog and for finding it worthy of this nomination. Go check out Kirsty at Outside the Coffee Cup, you won’t be sorry.
Here are the questions Kirsty asked:
1. Would you rather be able to fly or be able to turn invisible? And why?
I thought I would want to fly, but being invisible would really come in handy when I am in a situation with a lot of people. I suffer from anxiety and sometimes I really wish I could turn invisible.
2. Do you prefer Spring or Autumn? And why?
This would depend where in the country I am. If I’m home I would have to say Spring. Although, the pollen is very hard on my respiratory system, it is still very hot during our Autumn months. The Spring is very pleasant and allows us to be outdoors. I love flowers as well!!
3. If you could meet someone past or present, famous or not, who would it be?
This one was very hard for me to answer. I guess I will have to say….Kurt Cobain because I felt the music industry lost him WAY TOO EARLY. I would have loved to sit and have a cup of coffee with him. I just think it would be the most down to Earth conversation I would ever have.
4. Where is your favorite place to be? And why?
I love the Rocky Mountains. I lived there for 3 years and felt the most inspired living tucked away in the mountains.
5. Are you happy with your life or would you change it?
Do I want to change? Yes, but not my life. I love my life and am very blessed with what God has given me. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but I have the most amazing family.
6. Someone comes up to you and gives you £10 ($10) what do you spend it on?
Easy…I give it to one of my kids because they are always in the “need” of something. LOL
7. Who is your dream guy or girl? And why?
Honestly, my husband is the most amazing person in the world. He puts up with me! 😉
8. Do you believe in Ghosts? And why?
No. I believe there are devil spirits that “impersonate” the dead, but I believe the dead are dead until The Return of Christ.
9. If you could be any Superhero who would it be? And why?
I am a Superhero (to my kids). LOL Other than that, I don’t want the responsibility.
10. What is your favourite song?
Feel The Silence (Goo Goo Dolls) Why? Just go listen to it. It was written by my favorite songwriter, John Rzeznik, a lyrical genius.
The rules state I come up with 10 questions and nominate 10 blogs that have less than 200 followers. So here it goes:
1. How would (someone) describe your blogging style?
2. What do you do when you aren’t working on your blog?
3. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
4. What is your favorite thing about your career?
5. What is your proudest accomplishment?
6. What makes you laugh the most?
7. What motivates you to work hard?
8. What is the best gift you have been given?
9. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?
10. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?
This was not in any particular order or based on any specific topic. These are just blogs I enjoy showing up in my feed. Congratulations to y’all and I’m believing this helps get you more traffic, if you decide to accept the nomination. Keep up the great work!
It’s our last day in the mid-west, and due to the rain I am finally sitting down and writing. My goal was to blog my weekend and share my family with y’all. HA! I didn’t even get to make the princess cake because my mom wanted to save time and ordered from a bakery. Although, it was cute, mine would have tasted a lot better. 🙂
It’s been a great weekend; hanging out, looking at some old photos, and laughing until my face hurt. I have a really great family and we ALWAYS have a good time when we get together. My grandmother died a couple weeks ago and my aunt brought over some photos, so my dad and I stayed up looking through them. They were from the 20’s- the 90’s and we even found one from a time period we couldn’t figure out. I love history and some day would like to research my family tree. Somewhere along the line, FDR (Teddy Roosevelt) is my dad’s cousin. Crazy, right?!?!
Family is so important to me and I am so blessed our children have such a great relationship with my brother, his kids, and my parents, even though we live so far from each other. They know that no matter the distance (in miles) between us, we will always be there for one another. My husband’s side doesn’t have that, and it makes me a little sad, but my side more than makes up for it. They love him as their own. It’s an amazing feeling knowing you have these amazing people in your corner, who will (no matter what) fight for you, believe in you, and love you unconditionally.
Another great thing about the last 4 days has been the fact that I have had no anxiety, no panic attacks, and no stress. I feel like myself and I actually like myself. LOL I’m kind of a fun girl! J I am not expecting a stress-free life. I know that’s not realistic, but how I react to the stress that comes up is what I need to work on. It’s not easy but I know I will get there. I really enjoy the person I am when I’m not fighting the anxiety.
All in all, it’s been a great weekend and I just wish we could do this more often.
An opportunity to meet other bloggers and get more readers. Thanks Jason!
One of my favorite bloggers is Vanessa at https://romancedonewrite.wordpress.com/ . She has a variety of writings and one of the things she does is Flash Fiction. She is very good at drawing the reading in, with 150 words or less. You should check her out here.
So she has inspired and encouraged me to give it a go. I believe this will be a great exercise in helping me develop my writing. I thank you all in advance for reading, and would love your constructive feedback.
An Opportunity of a Lifetime (150 word)
She had waited her entire life for this one moment and now she was about to tell the one person in the world that mattered, that she had succeeded. She ran up the stairs, breathless from the combination of lack of oxygen and excitement, and burst into the office. Her heart swelled at the sight of him, and a wide, bright smile played across his lips when he saw her.
“They called! They want me to fly out at the end of the month!” The words shot out like rapid fire.
David quickly made his way to her and spun her around. “We’re moving to Los Angeles!” Becca squealed with delight.
David set her down and looked into the deep gold of her eyes; his own heart seemed to stop.
“Becca, I can’t go with you.”
His words exploded in her head like the sound of heavy gunfire; no survivors.
I know these are some steps, but the way I see it. ..all those small steps lead to my goals. Thanks everyone for reading and liking, it means so much to me.